beaudesastre

I'm sitting here, trying to think of something, to think of anything but you.  Everything in my life is connected to you, it's attached to you.  I want to escape you because I hate that I can't have you.  I hate seeing you with her, and I hate that you chose her over me.  I hate that I wasn't pretty enough, or thin enough, or sweet enough.  I hate that you couldn't love me, when I was willing to give everything and anything.  I hate that I can't hate you. I hate the way I feel whenever I see you, I can hardly breathe, and I start shaking, but you're not mine. You're not mine. So now I'm sitting, trying to think of something.  Something to w

I want to make something beautiful. Something perfect. You know? So perfect and full, people don't even know how to move. They don't know how to breathe, and they don't want to. They teeter on their feet and look embarrassed because they feel such a great thing in front of so many eyes. I want to make something like that.

dear god i am drenched in sweat and my heart falters dear god theres an ache in my chest so that my heart swells up and absorbs my entire self dear god how my cheeks start fire how my hands shake dear god my mouth is dry and my throat is thick with regret dear god i cant say the words i cant sya the words i need to say i need to know dear god save me from this heartbreak its not supposed to crush me whole! dear god my muscles freeze my eyes begin to water dear god what is the matter with me and what have i become dear god im dying i think that i am dying oh dear. dear god. i dont know if i believe in god anymore